well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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