I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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