there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
