i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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