I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
