after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
