If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
