i just wanna soil my oats bro
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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