Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
