So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
