I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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