The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you had me at cake vodka
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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