That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
