The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
