Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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