Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
