so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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