The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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