i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love having hate sex.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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