Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
