I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
