God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
