alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
