TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
