If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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