Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
