Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
