Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
