I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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