Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
