I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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