Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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