She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
