Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
