Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
