He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am available for nakedness
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
