there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
