I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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