Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
