So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
