He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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