Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
