I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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