i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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