I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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