Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
