It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
