Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
