dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fill condoms, not promises.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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