You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
