She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize