do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
