my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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