Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize