don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
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my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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