I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
