so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
