Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
