so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
