If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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