I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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