Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
