you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
