the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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