If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
