I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
