I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
