She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
