lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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