About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
