Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
