It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
