so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
