Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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