If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
