You just made me feel so damn special
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
