i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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