I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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