this boner is exhausting
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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